Eternal Twilight
by one eternal twilight
Summary: This is the story of what would happen if Bella had the chance to decide if she wanted to stay a human or beome a vampire after james bit her.It picks up in the end of ch23 around pg454 in Twilight.I dont own any of the characters:D Thanks and enjoy!
1. Realization

-1**Eternal Twilight**

Ch I

"…ahhh…ughhh…oww!" I writhed in pain. "Edward?"

"I'm here Bella, it's okay. Carlisle is here to help." His velvet voice sounded so faraway.

"It hurts…my hand…" I whimpered. I felt the cool touch of vampire fingers, Carlisle's or Edward's I didn't know which, and heard their low mutterings to one another, much too low for human ears. Then Edward growled, a deep guttural sound.

"Bitten?!?" His velvet voice turned harsh and dismayed. "He bit her?!?" Edward's voice scared me and I wished to comfort him, hating for him to be so upset. Just then the pain in my arm intensified until it felt like my skin was going to boil away.

"Edward…oh…my hand…Edward my hand…it's on fire!" I was having trouble breathing as the fire in my hand spread slowly to my lower arm. It was unbearable. Then suddenly his voice was in my ear, I weakly opened my eyes to see my angel's perfect face hovering above my own. He attempted my favorite crooked smile, but for once he couldn't mask his anguish.

"This is it Bella, it's your choice now, it's what you've been waiting for; here's your chance."

I tired to keep up but the emotion he couldn't mask made his words come out in a rush. "I don't understand…what?"

"Bella," Edward's eyes smoldered with a different type of passion, "James, the vampire who attacked you…well…" He trailed off uncharacteristically. I couldn't bear to see him so distressed, especially since I was this whole mess was my doing. If only I hadn't believed the story that James had fed me on the phone about kidnapping my mother. What had I been thinking, running off to face a terrifying vampire alone? Well, I know exactly what I had been thinking now, and for once it wasn't about Edward; it had been my mother, and the terrified sound of her voice on the phone. Pain tore through my arm ,I gasped quietly and as always, nothing went unnoticed by Edward. He continued for my sake it seemed, although I could tell it pained him immensely to do so.

"Bella," he murmured, "James bit you and the pain you feel in your arm is his venom working its way through your blood stream." I was panting as he continued. "Carlisle and I have decided that this is completely up to you." I was to distracted by the pain to comprehend.

"This?" I asked hating to sound so stupid.

"This, meaning whether or not you want to become a vampire." He spit out the last word with bitterness. "Carlisle and I could easily suck the venom out of your blood right now and **everything, **all the **pain** would stop immediately." He emphasized the word pain, remembering his own agony and what he went through, and I suppose, trying to persuade me to make the choice to stay human.

"Bella," I recognized Carlisle's voice, "realistically speaking, you have two or three minutes to decide what you want to do, but after that, the venom will have stretched to far along in your body and Edward or I would never be able to suck it all out without harming you. If you so choose, your life goes back to normal, but should you choose the alternative," Edward choked back a snarl but gestured for Carlisle to continue. "…if you choose the alternative, Bella, Edward and I will be here for you the whole time. You will undergo three of the most excruciatingly painful days you have ever, or will ever experience, but I promise you , both of us will make you as comfortable as you possibly can be during that time. I will leave you know to decide for about two minutes, and I'll return to hear what you've decided." He turned to Edward and muttered something to him along the lines of "it's her choice," but I couldn't be sure, and glided silently into the next room, perhaps to talk to the rest of the Cullen family who couldn't be far.

Edward solemnly turned and gazed deeply, directly into my own eyed with an intensity so great it chilled the fire in my blood for the briefest of seconds. "Bella," he breathed, his eyes sad.

"Edward, I need a minute to gather my thoughts," I managed to get out. He grimaced in what I imagine was supposed to be a smile.

"Ok," he agreed.


	2. Decisions

-1Ch II

It was all so sudden. This is what I've been wanting, what I've envisioned my future to be: simply Edward and me until the end of time, together and in love. Even though changing was everything I desired and more, I was suddenly overwhelmed by terror. Even now, in the early moment of the three day change I was in excruciating pain. I could feel the track my veins carved throughout my body as my blood boiled within them. I couldn't describe the feeling except being burned from within. I had no idea if I'd be able to survive three days of this. I shifted to try to redistribute the intense pain I was feeling, and caught a glimpse of my Edward sitting solemnly, head in hands. My dear, sweet angel; the pain I felt now paled in comparison to the pain I would feel if I ever had to lose him. But did he feel the same? Was this really love or was this just some infatuation with the (frequently commented upon) edible, delectable smell of my blood? Could I risk him not loving me for me, but for my blood? Once again I was relieved that Edward couldn't hear the war that was going on my head, it would hurt him so much if he knew I questioned his love for me. The pain must be making me temporarily insane, Edward had proved a thousand times over the love he had for me. If he loved my blood, not me, he would have let me die that day in the parking lot, crushed by Tyler's van. No, my silly momentary lack of trust in Edward's love for me would not hold me back from what I truly wanted.

Then what was holding me back? Why this hesitation? Again I heard my mother's voice in my mind. Renee, Charlie. How could I leave them? What would they do when the found they had lost their only daughter? What, in turn, would I do knowing that they mourned for me when I was still among the living? Could I really be so selfish as to make them suffer so I could be happy? No, there's no way I could do that to them.

I glanced at Edward as I fought back tears that sprung to my eyes as a fresh wave of pain rolled through my body.

"Bella," he said not meeting my gaze, " you still have a minute. Bella," he said again, " this is **your** choice, **your** life, **your** future. For once in your life think only of you. What do **you** want?" His words were strengthening. He was right. For some reason a phrase popped into my head: "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." Well if this pain isn't hell I didn't know what was, and if Edward wasn't an angel I didn't know who was. I breathed in deeply, well as deeply as I could with a fire burning in my chest and turned to my angel. "Let's go to hell," I said. He wouldn't look at me.

"Edward, I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I'm not ruining my life, I'm starting it over. I love you and to me that's all that matters. If I have a chance to be with you for ever, there's no way I'm letting it pass me by. _You_are _my_ life now." I tried to smile, but winced instead, the intensity of the pain was growing exponentially.

"I love you too. Silly Bella, I will always love you no matter what." He finally looked at me and I found all the comfort and love I would ever need. "I'll call Carlisle in."


	3. And so the torture begins

Ch. III

"Bella, I'm so glad you chose to become one of us. Esme and I want to welcome you to our family." I hadn't noticed Esme standing behind Carlisle through the tears streaming freely down my face. She smiled at me and I could tell that if she could, she would be crying too.

"Oh Bella," she breathed softly. Carlisle gently ushered her away from the doorway to Jasper and Emmett could enter the room carrying a large, down-filled, mattress. As Edward tenderly picked me up and laid me down ever so gently on the mattress, Carlisle began to speak.

"Bella, do you think you could manage to swallow a sleeping pill?" I nodded; no fire in my throat just yet. "Good, then here, take this so you can sleep one final time and dream you very last dream." Edward slid into bed next to me and snuggled me close. As I drifted to my drug-induced sleep safely in his arms, I was aware of the pain growing and attacking different parts of my body; I hoped this pill lasted awhile…

EDWARD'S PT. OF VIEW

I watched her sleeping one last time, whimpering pitifully, tears of pain falling from behind her closed lids. I knew in my heart, er well in what used to be a heart, that this was truly what she wanted to do. Our love ran deeper than anything as superficial as the "love" humans often claimed to feel for one another, and I had no doubts about it lasting. I just wished like I'd wished a thousand times before, that I could hear her thoughts and know for sure. As I lay there, perfectly still, she grew warmer and more restless with each passing second.

"She'll wake soon," Carlisle murmured from the corner where he and Esme were creating a plan to explain Bella's disappearance to her family, friends, and the authorities. Emmett and Jasper had gone to get Alice to comfort

Bella as she changed over, then were off hunting with Rosalie to bring back fresh blood for Bella when she woke. A piecing scream echoed around the room as Bella say strait up, eyes blinded by pain; the torture had begun; not only for her but for me as well. I could bear to see her in so much agony. I was afraid as well. Could I handle seeing her "die"? What if complications arose, and her heart wasn't able to withstand the grueling transformation? Carlisle walked over to where I was struggling to hold writhing Bella.

"Edward," he could sense my growing panic. "It's going to be OK. We'll take shifts in caring for her. You and Esme the first four hours and Alice and myself the next four. We'll continue like that until she has completely transformed." I was glad he had a plan. I needed someone to be the strong one for once. "Don't worry son." He touched my arm briefly and then was gone. Esme smiled down at me and sat beside my tortured angel and began to methodically rub her back, whispering words of comfort and endearment. For the next four hours Bella screamed endlessly. I knew and remembered the pain she was feeling and it took all the restraint I had to not bash my head into a wall, seeing her so helpless. The hours dragged on longer than any other night I had experienced in all my years on earth as a vampire. Bella began thrashing, shouting garbled words at unseen demons. I held her to me trying to cool her down because her temperature had spiked sky high. Carlisle and Alice were at my side when I looked up from Bella's pain-twisted face. Esme had already left the room, but I could stand leaving Bella alone for four seconds let alone four hours. I looked back and forth between two of my closest family member's faced. I knew I could trust them to care for her, but I just couldn't let Bella go.

"Hold her any tighter, and you'll cause her even more pain then she's already experiencing. Edward, it's ok, she'll be absolutely fine. Hundreds of humans have endured this before and survive; your Bella is no different. We all love Bella and wouldn't think of letting any harm come to her on our shift. I promise Edward." Carlisle held my shoulder firmly as he spoke. _"Trust me"_, he thought. I hesitated for a moment more, then gently placed Bella in Alice's waiting arms. Alice seemed optimistic as I handed Bella to her. She smiled at me and thought, _"It's going to be fine. Her heart is strong and you both love each other too much for anything else to go wrong. Don't worry, I've seen it and she's going to be one hell of a vampire." _ She winked.

"Thanks Alice," I whispered. I turned and ran as fast as vampire-ly possible as Bella's screams pierced my ears.


	4. Agony

-1Ch IV

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

Pain radiated through my body and fire pulsed through my veins. No matter which way I twisted or turned, the pain would not abate. My eyes were open, but I saw nothing except blinding light. I was aware of nothing but agony. I had no idea who I was or where I was, or if I had known anything besides the hell I was engulfed in at that moment. Then my mind began to swim and blackness surrounded me.

**EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW**

"She blacked out from pain around the third hour of our shift." Carlisle looked haggard, even for a vampire. It was towards the end of the second day of Bella's transformation. Shift after shift I had alternated: comfort Bella, comfort myself. I knew how selfish I was being, but I couldn't help it. If only I had just stayed away from her from the start, none of this would be happening now. I ruined her life. I shook my thoughts aside; it was Bella's time now. I entered the room, came to a dead stop, and turned questioningly to Esme beside me. Bella had changed drastically in the four hours since I'd last seen her. Her face, although still similar, was different: chiseled features, smooth skin, and although she was still red from the fever that racked her body as her blood boiled away, her skin was much cooler, almost as cool as mine. Her heartbeat had slowed as well. She was still thrashing and moaning though.

"Mom…mom…mommm?!?" She was screaming for Renee, oh my poor Bella. Esme rushed to her side, picked her up and began rocking her to and fro like a baby. "Mom…mommy…please…mommy it hurts," her voice was horse from hours of screaming. Bella began sobbing and Esme would have been too if she could have; remembering her own lost little one.

"Bella, dear, it's ok, I'm here. Oh Bella," Esme murmured as she struggled to hold my thrashing angel. I knelt next to the two and started humming the lullaby I had written for Bella continuously for the next four hours.

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

I was cold, so cold. The fire coursing through my body was replaced by icy torrents of nothingness. The tingly numbness scared me. It hurt being so cold, like being pricked by a thousand tiny needles all at once. I think I would have preferred the fire. I was still lost inside my own head, not knowing what was going on or who I was. All I knew was pain and discomfort; then from so far away I heard rich, velvety strains of a familiar melody, as soft and sweet as a lullaby. _I know this song, _I thought frustratedly, _this song means something to me. _But it was no use; try as I might the only thing I could truly focus on was the icy torture. 


	5. Breakdown

-1Ch. V

EDWARD"S POINT OF VIEW

The third and final day of transformation had begun for Bella a number of hours ago. Her heart beat was soft, slow, and irregular. She had no voice left from screaming for hours on end, and her body was so weak all she could manage was a soundless sob that shook her body. I hummed as Esme rocked her, never tiring of the repetition. About half way through our shift, I noticed that something was different.

"Esme?" She looked up, "Esme, her heartbeat…Esme, where's her heartbeat?" My voice rose in tenor with panic. I knew this was coming and yet nothing could prepare me for hearing Bella's lack of heartbeat, shallow breathing, and witnessing her "death."

Death. No, not my angel, no, my Bella would not die, there had to be another way. She would not be bound to a life of eternal damnation, a life like mine. Something in me snapped. I picked her up and began trying to resuscitate her. I tried everything I could remember from Med school. I knew that nothing I could do would bring her back or stop the change, but that just made me try all that much harder. As I began CPR, with a strength that would have surly crushed her had she not been partially changed, Esme flew at me.

"Edward calm down!" She shouted, her voice like thunder, as she pulled moaning Bella from my arms. I stared dumbly at her for a moment, then broke down. My body shook with sobs that yielded no tears, and I yelle, unleashing my pent up frustrations and worries at Esme, then Bella, speaking so fast and so loudly that I couldn't even understand myself.

"I can't lose her Esme, I just can't." Esme laid Bella down on the bed and grasped my shoulders, forcing me to look her in the eyes.

"Edward, look at me. You have been so strong through this whole ordeal, a true inspiration, but you must remember that she wanted this. She chose this life. Bella will love you no matter if she's a vampire or a human, and you, I know, will love her no matter what she looks like till the end of time." I continued to shake though I stopped my ranting.

"Edward, it's alright. She's not really dying, and her suffering is nearly over. I'll run and get Carlisle and Alice, they should be here when she wakes," Esme said soothingly.

_Maybe I should bring Jasper along as well. His gift could be of use during these final hours, _she thought.

"I'll be fine without Jasper," I whispered.

"No need to always be so strong Edward, you're allowed to feel afraid you know." Esme, always the caring, comforting mother.

"I know and I love you," I told her.

"I love you too Edward; and Edward, I wish you all the best with Bella, I'm happy to see you happy." She turned and left the room, returning almost instantaneously with the whole family. They formed a semicircle around the mattress where I sat with Bella, who was no longer crying, screaming, thrashing, breathing or showing any signs of being alive. Carlisle carefully checked Bella over.

"She's doing well," he said, addressing everyone, but speaking to me. "Her change is almost complete, within the hour her organs should all completely be shut down and she should wake. When she does, Bella will be ravenous, and the most inhumane you will ever see her. So, we must be patiet, yet firm with her; we can't let her get out of hand, she won't know her own strength and could potentally hert something or someone." Everyone nodded, well except for Rosalie.

_Stupid human twit, _she thought, _she better not lay a finger on me._ I snarled at her, ignoring Emmett's pissed expression.

"Rose, Bella is family now. She endured this hell like each one of us , she's more then earned her place with us, she deserves your respect and I won't stand for you to make her feel uncomfortable in her new life." I couldn't help yelling at her. It had been a very long three days and I had no patience for Rosalie's selfish antics. At least she had the decency to look ashamed. She needn't have bother because at that moment my thoughts were occupied with something way more important; Bella was stirring.


	6. Bolt from the blue

-1CH. VI

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

I began to surface from the dark pool in which I had been submerged. I cringed expecting pain, but felt nothing except a strange feel, like heightening of all my senses. I could hear everything, insects buzzing to planes taking off miles away, to the slow steady breathing of a human nearby. I sniffed the air, I smelled blood. A liquid, venom I guessed, flooded my mouth and my throat burned. My eyes snapped open to see with a new possessed clarity, vampires, competition, clumped around me. I snarled at them and bared my teeth. I was thirsty and wanted the blood that I smelled, and they wouldn't stop me from getting it. They looked at me with awe and shock apparent on their faces for a moment until the most muscular of the seven threw me a huge buck. I pounced with a growl, sunk my teeth into the warm neck of the deer, and drained it quickly; I was still ravenous. He threw me another deer which I consumed with a rapid speed, my own movements blurred. I did the same which four more animals until I snapped out of my thirst induced stupor. I blinked my eyes and saw seven pairs of very familiar amber eyes staring back at me with wonder.

"Edward?" I ran to him and threw myself into his arms with a swiftness that amazed me. He hugged me in return with a strength that would have crushed me, had I been human… wait. I lifted my hand to my face as it dawned on me: I was no longer human, I was a vampire.

"There's a mirror over there." I turned slowly, half knowing what to expect, half scared of what I'd see reflected back at me. It was still me, but with the distinct vampire qualities: smooth, alabaster skin, chiseled features, and toned muscles. I met my reflection's gaze and was startled to find that, not only did I no longer have my brown eyes, but I didn't have the characteristically amber or onyx eyes of a vampire either. Instead, my eyes were a shocking shade of electric blue, a color so unlike anything I had ever seen before. I gently reached out to touch my reflection and the mirror shattered beneath my fingertips. Oops, not gently enough I guess.

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW

The tinkle of shattered glass falling to the floor broke my astonished stare. Bella had changed in ways I had been prepared for, body, completion, movement, and strength, but her eyes had changed in a way no one could have imagined. Obviously I had been expecting the amber eyes of all the veggie vampires I knew since we started her off strait away on animals instead of humans to make it easier for her to abstain later, but instead her eyes were an icy electric blue. The contrast of her eyes and marble white features gave her this wide-eyed beauty that was unlike anything I'd ever seen before in my long lifetime. She was dazzling and everyone in the room was feeling the effect. She turned to see us staring, and I realized with a twinge of regret that she would have been blushing had she still been a human.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked in a voice full of confusion and embarrassment. I beckoned her to me and wrapped her in the embrace I'd been longing to give her since the first day I met her; a long passionate kiss, not guarded but full of the love and desire I had for her,

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful," I murmured in her ear. She smiled up at me, but I could tell she was still worried.

"But my eyes?" The eyes in question scrutinized my face, waiting for a flicker of a reaction; I showed nothing although I was just as worried and confused as she seemed to be. She looked hopefully at me, then Carlisle, then back at me, hoping for some kind of explanation. I looked in Carlisle's direction.

_I've got nothing_, he thought, _perhaps it has to do with her gift._

I looked back down at Bella, shook my head and shrugged a little. Bella's shoulders sagged and she turned back to stare in the fragments of the mirror. We let her be, she had a lot to think about and come to terms with. If she was anything like the rest of my family and me, the next few weeks would be an emotional rollercoaster for her. She turned suddenly.

"You can't hear my thoughts now that I'm a vampire, can you?"

As a matter of fact, while she had been brooding, I had been trying to desperately penetrate her thoughts, hoping that her change would make her mind finally accessible to me.

"No, I can't," I sighed. My frustration over not being able to "hear" what she was thinking showed in my voice, and I knew it. Much to my chagrin Bella heard it too, and smiled.


	7. Author's Note

-1Author's Note

Thank you to all of you who have read my story so far! I really do hope you are enjoying it. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on what Bella's gift should be. I have a few ideas in mind but I wanted to see what everyone else thought. Keep those review coming, I really appreciate all the constructive criticism that I can get! Thanks:D

xoxoxoxo

olivia


	8. Happiness Is

-1Ch. VII

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

I was so happy. Despite my misgivings about my eyes, I was ecstatic. All my dream, everything I had ever wanted had some true. I knew that Edward expected me to be brooding for the next few days, and I suppose that regret or uncertainty should be in the forefront of my mind. But really, how could I be sad or pine for the life I left behind when I had an eternity to spend with Edward stretched out before me. Plus, it's not like I'd never see my family again…or wait; would I? I turned to Edward.

"What about my family? Renee? Charlie?" I could hear the panic in my voice. He hesitated, wanting to answer, but turned to Carlisle instead. I assumed Edward had heard some kind of plan Carlisle had formed in his thoughts, and knew that he could answer better then he could. Carlisle hesitated too. I began to grow nervous.

"The answer is no, isn't it?" I felt this horrid feeling behind my eyes and realized that I was "crying." I choked back a tearless sob as Carlisle came over to the mattress and gestured for me to join him.

"Not exactly," he said.

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW

Carlisle's plan was flawless; I knew it was foolproof as long as Bella played along. Carlisle would call Charlie and tell him that there had been a terrible car accident while Bella had been in Phoenix. Carlisle will have airline tickets for both Renee and Charlie already purchased, so they could meet us at the hospital. We'll keep Bella out of the hospital till the last minute, then once I "hear" her parents approach the hospital, we will get Bella all set up on a stretcher, covered head to toe in gauze. The gauze would hide her new features from her parents. Renee and Charlie would meet us as we wheeled her to her room, as she whispered her final goodbyes and most importantly, she would tell them she wanted to be cremated so that way we wouldn't have to have a body for the funeral. By that time, Carlisle will have hooked Bella up to all the necessary machines and most obviously her vitals would give her the appearance of being dead.

Poor Bella. I knew this would be so difficult for her. She stood and nodded grimly to Carlisle.

"So we'll be leaving Forks soon after I assume?" He in turn nodded to her. Her icy eyes looked hollow. Damn, I can't believe I've let this happen to her. I've damned her to hell, a hell far from Forks and her family. Monster, that's what I am and I've been foolish to think I could be anything different. Stupid selfish monster.

"STOP!" Bella screeched. "You are NOT a monster, never have been, never will be. You are the reason I'm alive, where you are is heaven for me and if that happens to be far from here, then so be it," her voice softened, "I can't have you hating yourself on my account." So many emotions flickered on her face at once: fear, astonishment at what she had just done, embarrassment at her outburst, and confusion. She had just read my mind.

"Bella, how did you do that?"

"I don't know," she whispered. She teetered for a moment, then fell backward.

"She fainted," Carlisle replied in wonder.

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

For the second time in about an hour, I roused myself from blackness.

"I had no idea vampires could faint. " Esme was saying.

"Well no we do," Carlisle half laughed.

"Leave it to Bella," Emmett chuckled.

"I heard that," I said as I pushed myself up from the floor. Everyone laughed. Edward reached for my hand and pulled me up.

"Are you ok?" He asked, making his eyes smolder deliciously.

"I'm fine I think, I mean I feel fine," I said, dazzled like always. Strange, I thought, I figured that the dazzling would disappear once I was changed. I guess it had more to do with then him just being a vampire. He didn't seemed convinced.

"Bella?" Carlisle said, " I think it's about time you and I ran home to have a chat in my office, is that ok?"

"Probably a good idea," I replied. I looked up at Edward, he smiled and nodded, but the worry was apparent on his face. Apparently he wasn't as good at hiding emotions as I thought, I was just to human to notice. Esme noticed as well.

"I'm sure it's fine if you join them Edward."

His relief was written all over his face. "Carlisle, do you mind?"

Not at all, as long as Bella doesn't have a problem with it." I laughed heartily at that. Why would I ever mind spending time with Edward?

"Of course not." My smile was huge, painfully so. It was infectious and soon my entire new family was smiling happily along with me. I looked around at these happy, beautiful people, my people, and although I knew I'd miss Renee and Charlie tremendously everyday for eternity, being with the Cullens made that up for that in a way.


	9. Beautifully Bonded

**So I just wanted to say that I finished updating my story with things I already had written so my next update will take substantially longer since now I have to write the next chapter instead of just transfer them from my notebook to the computer . sorry:( **

**Also, I dropped a huge hint as to what Bella's gift is in this chapter since I won't be able to get the chapter that you finally figure out what it is for awhile...did you catch on?**

**Huge thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and review and for all the ideas about what Bella's gift should be!**

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CH VIII

CARLISLE'S POINT OF VIEW

I couldn't help but stare at newly changed Bella in wonder as I searched carefully through my books. In the past hour and a half, she hadn't ceased to amaze us; first her shocking eye color, then reading Edward's mind, not to mention being the only vampire I'd ever known to faint. She sensed my stare and although she could no longer blush, it didn't take Jasper to see she was uncomfortable.

"So, you can't hear anyone's thoughts now, can you?" Edward was asking her.

"No." She squirmed under his steady gaze and interrogation.

Odd, I'd never heard of a selective gift, and what about her eyes? I skimmed a few more books until I found what I had been looking for.

"What is that?" Edward inquired when he saw the ancient book that I was pulling from its shelf, although I'm sure he had read my mind and already knew all about it.

"This is a record of all the known gifts vampires have possessed throughout the ages."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous, documenting our existence?" Edward asked me, smirking although extremely serious. In fact he was right, it _was _extremely risky, even more so than me being a doctor to humans. If any other vampire from outside our family, especially the Volturi, we'd have trouble on our hands. Still, I felt that adding to this documentation could be beneficial to our secret community; like now. I skimmed through some pages, lightening quick, and found a likely looking passage.

"If a vampire and a human for some reason develop a relationship in which their feelings blossom into something more binding and substantially deeper than love, it has happened that on top of a regular gift, the human, when changed, may also gain a half-gift. This half-gift typically is a form of the gift the vampire he or she became involved with. These half-gifts are unpredictable and little else is known about them." I read aloud.

Edward and Bella stared at each other. "So that's not my true gift?" Bella asked. Hope bloomed in her eyes. It didn't take Edward's power to see that she felt like a freak among freaks, so to say; her eyes truly bothered her. "So my eyes may have to do with my real power after all?"

"It's very possible, we'll just have to keep a lookout for any signs as to what it might be." I had no idea anyone could simile as wide as Bella did right then. "I think you should take Bella up to your room for awhile, Edward. I'm sure you two have quite a few things to talk about before we leave." Bella's smile faltered as she allowed Edward to pull her toward the stairway. Poor Bella.

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

Edward's hand was no longer cold in mine, as he pulled me along, down the hall toward his gorgeous room.

"Sit," he said.

I could tell already that this conversation had the potential of becoming extremely tense. He still obviously hadn't forgiven himself for my transformation. And even still, the fact that because of our relationship, I gained something extra shocked him. I think he, like me, knew we had something phenomenal, an extraordinary bond, but never realized just how very deep it ran. It was like seeing our love for each other in a new light. I allowed him to sit in silence for a bit, time had lost its value to me and felt different now that I was a vampire. Edward sat next to me, pensive and quiet, neither acknowledging me nor pushing me away. I began to grow frustrated; I wanted him to say something, to look at me. As my frustration grew and turned to worry that I did something to upset him, I saw through the oversized window the wind pick up, blowing through the trees as if during a storm.

"Edward?" I finally said timidly. He eventually looked at me, studying my face with such intensity. The expression of hate or anger I had expected was one of love and admiration instead. He swiftly, gracefully dropped down on one knee, taking both of my icy hands in his, whispered, "Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

I didn't hesitate in answering. "Yes Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, I will marry you," I replied happily. As Edward swooped me up into his arms I noticed the wind die as suddenly as it started and the sun pushed through the thick layer of clouds. That sun seemed just as happy to be alive as I did, stretching its happy golden rays as far as they would go.

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Your reviews keep me going! Thank you :D**


	10. Testament of Faith and Love

Thank you all for your reviews! And, thank you so much for waiting so long for the next chapter. The story is winding down and in a few more chapters it will be all over :( I truly appreciate all of you who have suck around and followed the story from the beginning! Have a good summer!

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CH. IIX

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW

Yes. She said yes! Bella's answer was surprising to me, exactly what I had wanted to hear, but surprising none the less. She was grinning up at me, her endearing and gorgeous smile, happy and carefree. I reveled in the fact that she was mine for eternity; her smile would be with me forever. I grinned back down at her and her eyes shone with a light, a happy, luminous look, full of love. Outside, the sun shone with determined brilliance. Bella snuggled her head into my chest, but our happy moment was quickly ruined as I "heard" Esme and Carlisle ascending the stairs. I nudged Bella and she looked questioningly up at me.

"Can we come in?" Carlisle knocked on my bedroom door.

"Yes. Come in!" Bella cheerfully replied. Thank God she couldn't "hear" any thoughts now. Before we could be the happy couple, married in bliss like Bella was undoubtedly dreaming of at the moment, we had a few lose ends to tie up in Forks, none of them remotely "blissful". The look on my parents' faces tipped Bella off that they were not here to revel in our pending marriage.

"Bella," Esme began, "you remember our plan, right?" When Bella nodded Esme continued, "I…we, think it's best we get it done as soon as we can. We don't need Charlie catching sight of you while we're in Forks." Bella nodded silently again.

"We were planning to run back to Phoenix in about an hour giving Renee and Charlie plenty of time to get there after I call them. Will you both be ready?" Carlisle asked. We both nodded.

He silently added for my ears only, "_I want you to get her out of the house. The phone call to Renee and Charlie is not something she should be hearing. No need to upset her even further then she will be in a few hours." _I nodded swiftly. If Bella noticed she didn't say anything.

"Charlie is still at work, so if you want to grab some things from home, I'm sure Edward would be more then happy to take you."

"Okay," she whispered. I held on to her waist and gave her a gentle squeeze. I wanted her to know that I was here for her, and that I would weather any storm with her. We left and ran quickly to Bella's old house. I must admit, it was much easier to travel with Bella now that she was a vampire, since she moved at my speed.

When we got there I said, " It's probably a good idea if you take very little, you don't want Charlie to notice you've been back." She nodded again silently; she hadn't spoken since we left.

As we reached the front door I asked her, "Would you rather go in alone?" She smiled gratefully, kissed me on the cheek, and was gone inside. I sat to wait for her under the graying sky, listening to Bella's footsteps moving slowly from room to room. I imagined her running her hands lovingly over the stove and the kitchen table, staring one last time at the pictures on the mantel, tripping up the stairs despite her new found agility, pulling her pillow to her chest, as she sat on her bed and committed her bedroom to memory. Bella was in and out of her room relatively quickly, thanks to her vampire speed, but lingered inside. I didn't mind, I would sit there waiting for her until she needed me, I'd sit there forever and a day for her.

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW

After I packed my small duffle bag with just a few clothes, some books, a few childhood pictures and mementos and a picture of Charlie and Renee, I sat down to write two letters; one to Charlie, one to Mom. I made it sound like I could have written it any time at all during my stay in Forks, but still tried to make it meaningful and expressive of my profound love for the both of them and the sorrow I felt at losing them.

"Dad," I penned, "

I know I've been living with you for a while now, but I just wanted to say thank you. You took me in even though I made it clear in the past that I wanted nothing to do with your home in Forks. Thank you for your unyielding love for me; no matter what I do or where I go, you will always have a large place in my heart.

Love,

Bells"

When I was satisfied with my first note, I folded it and hid it in my room buried in my closet. I hope that once they found out I had "died", he and my mom would go through my things and find it. I sat back down to write my mom's letter, which was significantly harder to do.

"Mom,

You know, these past few months I've been some of the most interesting of my life, and I regret that you weren't here to share them with me. I'm happy though, Mom. I'm happy that you've found someone who makes you happy. These months away have you have made me appreciate who you really are. Thank you for your large heart and for standing in as my best friend. I will always love you, no matter what.

Love,

Bella"

This too I placed at the bottom of my closet. I allowed myself to sit there, wrapped in memories for another moment or two, then stood dutifully and walked out to find Edward. He was waiting exactly where I left him, knowing him he hadn't moved a millimeter.

I snaked my arms around his neck and murmured softly, "Will I really forget them?" It seemed altogether impossible. He didn't answer for the longest time but kissed my lips slowly, passionately, and tenderly. He always knew what I needed most

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Thank you for the reviews, they are what keeps me going! **:D**


	11. Author's Note Two

-1Author's note:

To all of you who jumped up and down at the thought that this was the next chapter, I'm sorry. Never fear though, the next chapter is COMPLETE. Only thing is that I'm heading to Penn State for three weeks for their Summer Study program and won't have access to a computer the first couple of days. The second I do, I will immediately transfer the chapter to the computer and post it for your reading pleasure! Thanks for being patient! And I really do appreciate your support. I never dreamed I would get any response at all, never mind excited and flattering responses, so really thank you!

:D

xoxoxoxo

Olivia


	12. Goodbye

HI! Thanks for being so patient! Since you were very kind to wait I have a treat for you...I have three chapters written and ready to go! (including this one) So as long as I get feed back and I know that you like where this chapter is going, I'll post the next one tomorrow afternoon.

xoxox

olivia

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CH IX

BELLA'S POINT of VIEW

When Edward and I arrived at the hospital back in Phoenix, Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens were already there waiting for us in a side parking lot, equipped with a stretcher, rolls of gauze, and brown colored contacts

"We're all ready for you Bella. Renee and Charlie should be here momentarily, and I've checked in as a practicing physician inside. All you have to do is hold still as we get you ready." I started to shake, deem tremors rolling through my body. Carlisle grabbed my arm to steady me. "Are you okay?" he asked, fatherly concern apparent in his expression. I nodded since I couldn't seem to remember how to use my mouth.

"I won't leave you for a second Bella, I promise," Edward purred in my ear, while his eyes burned with seriousness and sincerity. He and Esme began to wrap me in the gauze, and with record speed I was covered head to toe in the white cloth. Only my hands, nose, mouth, and eyes were left exposed.

Edward scooped me up and laid me gently on the stretcher helping me get comfortable and murmuring, " They're here love." I started quivering again. I had been dreading this moment since I learned of this well fabricated plan. How on Earth could I face Renee and Charlie? How could I just say goodbye? How could I make a silent vow to never again see or talk to them for the rest of their lives? How could I let them live this lie?

"I can't do this Edward, I really can't do this, I can't." My body racked with dry sobs.

"You can and you will," he said compassionately. "I know you, Bella. Would you rather have them think you're missing? Kidnapped? Always wondering, always hoping that someday you would reappear; absolutely no closure at all? No, you could never do that to them, could you?" He was right, he knew me too well, and although I still hated to do what I was about to and having t o see them suffer on my behalf, I would most definitely go through with our plan.

"You're right," I conceded.

"Aren't I always?" he quipped, but I couldn't bring myself to smile. Nor, as it turned it out, did I have time to for at the moment Charlie and my mom came running up the main path. Edward pushed me on my stretcher, flanked by the rest of his, soon to be my, family, to meet them. In those few seconds as Edward pushed me closer and closer to my anguished parents, the sky darkened and something suddenly occurred to me.

"Edward I have a theory…about my gift…" I whispered quickly. He looked down at me intrigued, but we were to close now for he or I to really talk about it.

"Later…please?" He looked straight into my once again chocolate eyes, his eyes smoldering.

" No need to dazzle me, mister," I told him, an almost half smile danced across my face, to my surprise, as he tried not to laugh. That's when I heard them; a sound that ripped my once beating heart out and shattered it into a million tiny pieces.

At first I thought they were crying and pleading out loud, but both Charlie and my mom were walking tight lipped, tears streaming silently down their cheeks, to meet up with the stretcher carrying their "dying" daughter, and the Cullens.

"Bella! Oh Bella, my baby. No, God, please not Bella. Please…sob…please." Renee's "voice" dripped with sadness and disbelief. Charlie's "voice" just kept repeating one word; the one word I wished I could give him the answer to.

"Why? Why her? Why now? Why, oh God, why my Bells?"

Instead of answering I weakly whispered, "Mom?" This time she answered out loud.

"Oh sweetie, " she sobbed, "oh Bella. It's all going to be ok, I promise. Don't worry Bella, don't worry. We'll stop the pain." It was too much to take and I felt the pressure building up behind my eyes. Don't cry mom, please, I silently willed her; you're making this harder for both of us. We were inside now, quickly making out way to a room. She grabbed my hand and gasped.

"Dr. Cullen, her hand is icy." Her eyes wildly reflected that she finally realized this was more real then her mind had wanted to believe. She knew that there was no surviving this "accident" for me. Carlisle nodded once, sympathetically, but his eyes told her all she needed to know. She wailed loudly. Jasper obviously felt my distress and tried to calm me, and Edward, obviously, read his mind and tightened his hold on my hand.

It began to rain; the sky crying tears right along with my mom and me. It was then, seeing the sky share my emotion that I knew for sure I had been bestowed with my gift. I had no time to think or rejoice about it because Charlie and Renee's thoughts of distress were growing ever louder in my mind, and Edward was nudging me to get on with the last thing on Earth I wanted to do; to say my last words, my final goodbyes, to make my final requests to the only two people who I held as close to my heart as I did Edward.

Throughout my final moments I told them many things, but not nearly enough. I told them what I was supposed to, torture though it was, and I added in something extra. I told them, weakly, feebly, to hold my funeral in the meadow, and to scatter my ashes there; I told them that was so important to me. I told Charlie not to be angry with Edward; it was he who provided me with so much laughter, so much happiness and not to dwell on why I had come to Phoenix in the first place; none of that mattered now. I told Renee to never forget that she had been my one true friend. I told them not to grieve for me and that I'd be with them always, held forever in their hearts. I told them not to be bitter or angry. I told them it wasn't the end, but merely a new beginning. I told them I loved them.

And then it was over. The heart monitor, finally hooked up, pierce the grief-stricken silence with that devastating beep. I closed my eyes and forgot to breath; it was over. Done. I was gone. Renee wailed and Charlie wept silently from behind his hands; I'd never seen him cry before. Daddy, thought, I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry. Eternal love comes with a huge price tag and I couldn't help regretting paying it just the tiniest bit.


	13. Suggestions

Hello again...I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter!! I hope that you'll like this one too, although this chapter took an intersting turn I hadn't been prepared for ;) . Up until then I had never know what an author meant by saying the story has a mind of its own and writes itself...you'll see what I mean. Don't forget to let me know if you like where it's going so that way I know if I should make any changes to the upcoming Chapter XI. :D

xoxox

Olivia

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CH X

EDWARD'S POINT of VIEW

Those goodbyes were some of the most painful things I'd ever had to watch. Bella's parents broke everyone's hearts, beating or not. I sighed. Having Bella with me forever was something that provided me with never-ending happiness, but the guilt I felt at pulling her away from a world that obviously wasn't ready to let her go would stay with me eternally. I looked over at me pale, beautiful angel lying still on the hospital bed.

Everyone had played their part today. I, the brokenhearted boyfriend; Esme and Carlisle, the grief struck adults who had loved Bella as their own; Alice, the mournful best friend; Emmett, the older brother she had never had. Even Jasper and Rosalie were there, braving the smell of thousands of humans all packed together and the tackiness of the hospital décor, to show their sorrow at seeing Bella go. No one had played their part better then Bella, though. She was truly extraordinary. Not only did she undergo the painful experience of saying goodbye to two people she loved very, very much, she did it while hearing their thoughts the entire time. And, even as a baby vampire, the smell of blood, plentiful in this hospital, had not bothered her in the slightest.

I looked over at her again, she looked so sad.

"Bella?" I said softly. She turned her head ever so slightly in my direction, eyes still closed. "Are you ready to go home?"

Her eyes flickered open. "Home? Forks?"

"For awhile. At least until we know where exactly we are moving to and we have a chance to get our own house set up." I answered

"Ours? As in you and me? Our house?" She sat up. I grinned; I thought she would like that.

"Yes, you and me. Us. Out very own little house, maybe with a white picket fence, not to far from the rest of the family. Whatever makes you happy. Just us." A smile flickered across her lips. "As long as you still want to become Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen," I said part in jest, part sincerely asking. I could very well understand if she no longer wanted to be with me; I had ruined her life. She stood, wound her arms around my neck, and brushed her lips tenderly across my own.

"Of course I still do," she said into my neck. God, how I loved her. There was no way for me to express the feelings I had for her; no words ever known to man even began to cover the emotions that ran rampant in my mind every time I merely looked at her. Looking back at all those dark, empty years I was appalled that I had thought myself a completed man, that I was happy enough thinking I would never meet someone who I thought of as anything other then a sibling. Every second alone though was absolutely worth it. The agonizing three-day change, both hers and mine, was worth it. The self-control I exerted just to stay near her was worth it. Anything is worth it, just to have that perfect creature standing there holding my hand, just to know that she loved me no matter who I was.

I swooped her up and started toward the parking lot. "Where is Carlisle and everyone?" she asked. Do I break her happy mood, I wondered. She looked at me expectantly.

"They are with Renee and Charlie," I said hesitantly, "filling out death certificates and other paper work." I cringed, instantly regretting telling her, but she just nodded and nestled her head closer to my chest. We reached Carlisle's car and I placed her in the passenger seat.

"How is the rest of your family getting home? Shouldn't we wait for them?" Bella asked concerned about everyone as always, as we pulled out of the parking lot.

"Carlisle, well Esme really, thought it might be a good idea if I took you home and we spent some alone time together." I winked and ran my thumb along her luscious bottom lip.

"Oh," she said, eyes wide with shock at the inflection in my voice. I was nervous at what I was suggesting, but I tried not to let it show. I didn't want her to think I was out of line by suggesting such a thing right after the ordeal with her parents.

"Drive faster," Bella whispered so quietly that my vampire ears almost missed it. She hastily pulled her hair around to cover her face, eyes glued to the floor; a classic Bella move if I'd ever seen one. One hand still on the wheel, I swept her hair back and lifted her chin so I could see her eyes, which she kept downcast.

"No need to be embarrassed, Bella." She lifted her eyes hesitantly. " I love you" I breathed and smiled a smile I kept only for her.

"I love you too." Her blue eyes burned with passion and longing. I stepped hard on the gas.


	14. Sudden Emotion, Sudden Change

ok so, I completly respect those of you who let me know you disliked where the story was going, so I changed it up a bit...I hope this is better. Those of you who said you didn't want it too raunchy, I hope this is allright with you :D Even though I got some negative comments, that was exactly what I wanted...I want to know what _you_ want, what makes you happy. So once again let me know how I'm doing. :D

xoxox

Olivia

CH XI

BELLA'S POINT of VIEW

I was lost in topaz depths, swimming in passion and genuine love mirrored in my angel's eyes. I giggled, "I don't think _that _was what Esme and Carlisle had in mind when the sent us home."

Edward nuzzled my neck. "I hope not," he laughed throaty and warm. He kissed my left eye lid "I," then he kissed the right, "love," he kissed the tip of my nose, "you," he said finally kissing me eagerly on the lips, deepening it so much he made the coils in my abdomen tighten once more in desire. He stood, wrapping a blanket around his waist, leaving me on his comfy leather couch; his gorgeous, chiseled chest sparkling in a golden ray of setting sun. I sighed contentedly.

"Where are you going? What's the hurry?" When on Earth did I become so bold? He smiled brilliantly.

"Well, I just thought it might be a good idea if I put some clothes on before my family stumbles in on our "together time"." I jumped up, scrambling to put my clothes back on. That's just what I needed, my family to be walking in on us laying on Edward's bed-like couch, partially undressed, well all right, completely undressed. I cringed at the thought. He smiled impishly.

"Really? Putting clothes back on so as not to evoke suspicion before your parents and siblings come home…what a novel idea." I teased him. His grin widened.

"But really, they're close?" I asked earnestly.

"Use your ears," he said, "really listen closely." I focused all my energy on using my ears and faintly I could make out the rest of the Cullen family getting closer to the house. I could hear the hushed sound of the wind as it whipped past their running forms, the muted sound of the grassy ferns and moss being flattened by their quick feet, and the low conversations they were having with each other. I looked up at Edward surprised. He smiled at the novelty of vampire senses to me.

"They are about five miles or so away so I figured we would make ourselves presentable, although it's pointless to try and hide our afternoon from them. I'm sure Alice already knows all the details and has been kind enough to share with the rest of them." He laughed indulgently. If I could blush, I'd be redder then a tomato.

"So, how about a topic to talk about to aid us in our ruse to look like we were having a nice innocent afternoon contemplating the complex Vampire world?" He was in such high spirits, and I loved it.

"I have one. How about we discuss my gift?" He led me by the hand down the stairs to his spacious living room. We sat on the piano bench.

"Ah yes, you did mention you had a theory. And, I might add that I was thinking about your mind reading ability and I have an idea about that, but you first."

"Well, I think that my gift might have to do with controlling the weather," I said quickly, my eyes darting up to meet his and then focusing back on my folded hands. "Just think about it for a minute, for the past day or so the weather has been completely bipolar, but then again so have been my emotions. Each time I was happy, like when you asked me to marry you, the sun shone brilliantly and in turn each time I was sad or upset in any way it stormed, like in the hospital today. Perhaps, if I focus on a certain emotion and a certain place I can change the weather conditions. What do you think?" I was so nervous he might think I was absolutely mad.

He considered it for a moment of two. "I do believe you are right. Why don't you give it a try now? Focus on this house and try to make it snow."

"Snow?!?" Ew. "I hate snow! Awful wet, cold stuff," I muttered. Edward chuckled. "How do I make it snow anyway?"

"Well, if anger and frustration is rain and storms, and happiness and contentment is sun and good weather, then perhaps loneliness and fear are snow."

I closed my eyes and pictured a world without Edward, an empty dark place without reason to live, while focusing on the Cullen house; I strained to keep both in focus for what seemed like an eternity.

Then suddenly Edward said somewhat jubilantly "Bella! Open your eyes!" I did and to my great disbelief snow was swirling down around the house. I ran to the window and laughed. Not 50ft from the house was dry, snow free ground and sunny weather.

Just then the rest of the family came into view.

"What's with the snow?" Emmett asked, laughing and lobbing a huge snowball at Jasper, who sputtered when it hit him square in the face. He had been too focused on trying to "feel" our emotions, I guess, then to notice Emmett's sneak attack. Edward and I both laughed heartily.

"It's Bella. She knows what her gift is." Edward smiled like he was a proud parent. "She can control the weather!" They all smiled happily at me as the trooped into the house.

"Well, weren't you two very busy all afternoon." Alice said winking. I cringed since I knew she in no way at all meant figuring out my gift. The entire family spent a good long time having a laugh at our expense and making some crude jokes much to my chagrin. Once everyone recovered, Edward spoke again.

"We were just about to talk about why Bella seems to share my gift with me on top of her own, so if you don't want to join us…"

Carlisle interrupted, "No, no as long as it's ok I think we are all curious and wouldn't mind hearing what you have to say about it."

"Well," Edward began, "think about the times that Bella has been able to "hear" other people's thought. Once she read mine, while I was extremely upset at the fact that I doomed Bella to a life she had no business living, at least not yet." His mouth turned down slightly in the corners, he obviously believed he had doomed me. Why couldn't he just understand this was truly what I wanted? "And once," he continued, "when both her parents were very much distressed. So, I thought that maybe she could only hear people's thoughts when they felt strongly or were emotionally distraught." He looked hopefully at Carlisle.

"Perhaps in the vein of strong emotions taking over logic and all other forms of thinking in a person's mind?" Edward nodded and Carlisle beamed at him, proud of Edward's theory. "I think you may just be right, Edward. I think Bella's mind reading ability only functions when some exceedingly strong emotion is griping the persons mind," he said standing.

The family followed suit and separated, going in different directions to bedrooms or studies to pack what little they planned to take with them once we moved.Edward and I were left alone with Esme. She smiled maternally.

"Bella, I know this has been a…happy…" I cringed again," afternoon for you, but we have to discuss this morning for a moment. We, Carlisle, Edward, and I, will be in touch with your parents to discuss things like your funeral. I just wanted to let you know that I understand if you would like to go to the funeral once we set a date, but I must express the deepest amount of caution. Your parents may even come here so Edward can show them the meadow. So, you need to remember that you are dead," she said delicately," and at no time can you show yourself to anyone, no matter the temptation."

Sobered, I answered, "Of course, I understand Esme. I would never do something to jeopardize your…our…safety."

"I know you wouldn't, Bella. I just know how it must hurt you, knowing they think you're gone, dead, while you aren't. You must feel like you are letting them live a lie." She hugged me. "It will get better with time, the hurting I mean." That didn't seem likely, for now a dull ache had started where my heart should have been beating.

"Well on that happy note," Alice said, bounding into the room, "let's pick a wedding date!"

"Oh Alice, what would I do without you?" I laughed.


	15. Weeping Willow

sorry it took so long guys!! Hope you like the chapter, although I know it is a short one. The next chapter is already in the works so hopefully it shouldn't be too long before I get it to you. Please continue to let me know what you thought...comments, changes, criticisms, and such...I really do appreciate it!

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Ch. XIII

Time had lost its value, hours passed like minutes; minutes passed as hours. Nighttime was the hardest thing to adjust to . Most nights I was content to snuggle up with Edward on his leather couch; some nights, though, were torture; endless hours of crushing blackness and swirling memories. Those nights were usually tied to the days we spent hunting or the days I spent trapped upstairs while my mother and Charlie stoically planned my funeral; oblivious to the fact that I was just a few feet above them, miserably hanging on each tear-filled word they said. I sighed. It was one of those nights. I climbed off of the couch. As I turned to leave, hand poised on the doorknob, Edward called to me softly.

"Bella…"

"I'll be back, Edward." He sighed, like he did every time I left like this, but smiled and let me go. I could read straight through that smile, and I felt a twinge of guilt when I saw the worry and unease settle on his perfect features. Still, I had to go. I just needed some time to think.

The cool air hit my face and immediately calmed my racing mind. Gliding through puddles of moonlight and mist, I made my way down to the river near our house. I had a favorite spot there; a gorgeous weeping willow, set a few feet back from the water, that sheltered a grassy area perfect for just sitting.

For a time I did just that; I sat there watching the patch of rosy dawn spreading its long fingers, pushing the moon back down toward the horizon, hating it as it did. For I knew that the dawn brought nothing good with it . And I knew too that though I dreaded it with all my might the funeral would be good for my parents, it would bring them some closure.

I had been so wrapped up in thought, I hardly noticed the darkening of the morning sky. I cursed internally. I had gotten better at being able to control my emotions, always leaving at least one little corner of my mind free to concentrate on it, so Forks wouldn't be plagued by rain and snow and sun all at once. Now it seemed that my thoughts of the funeral were all consuming. I closed my eyes and focused on the day I spent with Edward in the meadow; a happier time. Gradually, the rosy color tinged the horizon again.

Sighing and settling closer to the hulking tree. I jumped. Instead of the live warmth of the willow's trunk, I was surprised by a cool marble chest and a pair of arms that snaked around my waist. Edward kissed the back of my head.

"Why are you out here?" I asked him, not altogether unhappy that he was. He smiled and stroked my hair.

"Well, I was feeling a little lonely and not a bit like sleeping, so I got up to put in a CD, and as I passed the window, I couldn't help but notice the sudden change in weather, and I figured you might need me."

I turned around in his arms so I was facing him, "You are too wonderful," and planted a kiss on his nose. He kissed me back sweetly, gazing into my eyes; searchingly almost.

"I was right, wasn't I?" he whispered to me. I nodded and nestled into his strong embrace. We lay like that for hours, perfectly silent, perfectly still, Edward's arms around me, my head on his chest, both propped up by the willow, until Edward made the slightest movement, and I knew it was time to go. He helped me to my feet, and smiled crookedly at me, eyes glinting in the early sunlight.

"You always make things so much more bearable, even death," I said as we walked rather slowly back toward the house. He clutched my hand to his still heart.

"I'm glad,"


	16. Darkness

Ch XIV

It absolutely appalled me. Every single folding chair was full. Alice had outdone herself, even in such dreadful circumstances. Black crepe hung artistically from every tree, a screen was suspended directly behind a podium, and a rose petal-ed walkway separated two sides of seating. Up front, diagonally flanking the now empty podium were two benches, one to the left seating Edward and Alice, one to the right, seating Renee and Charlie. The rest of the Cullen's and Phil made up the first row on the right side; Angela, Mike, Jessica, and Tyler made up the left. Every remaining inch was covered with gorgeous flowers: lilies, irises, and freesia.

Despite all this, perched on a tree branch looking down, the meadow looked sick, like every blade of grass had some disease, covered in black, slick with rain, dull from the dark gray sky. With all those people crowded on folding chairs, the meadow didn't look quite right. But then again, why should it? All these people were here for me, and yet I was supposed to be dead. And what was worse than the fact that I happened to be alive, sitting right above them, was the fact that I could hear each and every one of their thoughts. It was overwhelming.

I "heard" rather than saw Edward shift silently in his seat to make sure I was doing okay. Since he, of course, had the super vision that all vampires possessed, he could see me through the trees, and was somewhat reassured to still find me sitting on, a branch, perched above the unsuspecting crowd. I shifted my focus from his brilliant eyes, because just then, the noise level dropped drastically. Looking around for the cause, I noticed that the projector had started a movie of sorts; pictures of me as a baby, me in my ballet outfit, me cutting the cake at my twelfth birthday dinner, a silent clip of Renee and me running through a sprinkler, of me tripping over the hose attached, of Renee bringing me to the hospital, all set to a familiar melody. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out the images, but that only brought out the sadness of my friends' voices. Angela's overpowered everyone's at first.

"Poor Bella, poor sweet Bella," her mind cried. "I'm going to miss her so much. But nothing, I imagine, like Edward will. Look at him, I've never seen him so emotional, not in all the time I've known him. Their relationship must have blossomed in the short time they were together. He looks so…so…distraught. And her parents, her poor, poor…" I moved on to Jessica's mind.

"Bella is dead…Bella's dead. It just doesn't make any sense at all. She's gone. She's not here anymore. Bella's dead." She said over and over again to herself. Mike's "voice" began to grow louder, until it was all I could hear. It screamed in my mind.

"It's unfair, completely, utterly, unfair. It's like now that you're gone, the sun has been permanently ripped out of the sky. I never even got to hold your hand, never got to tell you how much you meant to me. Now I'll never have the chance to. Bella, why the hell are you leaving me like this? Look how upset you've made us all; look at me blubbering like a baby, look at goddamn Cullen. I think you're the only one in the whole goddamn world who actually made him show an ounce of emotion…"

I stopped listening; I couldn't do it. It was enough to look at them, with their tear-filled eyes and red faces. Look what I've done, I thought, just look at the hurt sitting blatantly sitting on their faces. It was hard to understand too. I just could not comprehend why so many so many people would feel remorse over losing me, Bella Swan, someone so completely ordinary. I was in Forks for less than a year, barely went out, and yet there everyone sat.

And then it just didn't matter anymore. White hot anger and regret coursed through me, and I felt the urge to run and run, and just keep running; away from the path of destruction I caused, away from the hurt I left behind, away from the monster I'd become, away from everything.

I pushed myself off of the branch and landed on the ground with a soft thud, that I'm sure alerted my vampire family to my departure. Still, I fled, running blindly, till I reached the river and threw myself in. Eyes closed, face down, I lay there pretending I was actually dead; my black dress swaying with the current around me. And yet, I could still hear the tears, each solid "thunk" of water hitting the damp earth. The sound shook in my head like my own private earthquake; it wouldn't stop. I forced out what little air I had left in my lungs, making the water ripple. Though soundless, my scream lasted a very long time, water quaking uninterruptedly, until all I could hear was silence coming from the meadow, ringing in my ears. Then softly, "Bella?" Imploringly, the voice called out a little louder, "Bella?" Louder and louder; more frantic each time, till the voice was right there on top of me, covering me like a blanket.


End file.
